The Dangers of Jelly Beans
This diary excerpt, torn and smeared with blood and jelly bean remains, was found in the halls of Hamhyun Middle School in Siheung City, South Korea. Readers beware: Some of the content is graphic–and stupid–in nature.
Day 4: 08:44 LST
What drives the hellions to such madness? What dark thoughts do they harbor, twisting their hearts to such insane cruelty?
In my many hours of solitude, I’ve often thought about The Swarm. It’s been the only activity I’ve had to keep my sanity, which is under constant assault from the jeers of the enemy. And yet, answers still elude me.
Holed up in a freezing, abandoned classroom, my supplies are now dangerously low. Perhaps hope is in the shortest supply. I’m surviving on a jar of what has started this whole ghastly ordeal–a jar of Jelly Beans. If I could only turn back the clock four days….my god, four days? Has it really only been that long? I feel as if I’ve been on the run for a year. I look back at the naive fool I was, thinking I could brighten the student’s dreary exam schedule with jelly beans, newly arrived from home. I grabbed the jar, and left the warm embrace of the heated teacher’s office into the adolescent chaos. As I entered the arctic hallways and into the realm of the conch, I met with my first group of students.
And my doom.
Their cheerful eyes darted from mine to the jar, then slowly back to mine–and then they changed into something else entirely. The smiles never left their youthful faces, but their eyes…I shudder to even remember…their eyes suddenly became monstrously old–gleaming with hateful avarice forged from the fires of primal wrath. I saw my own death reflected in every pupil. The hallways suddenly seem unbearably hot from the greed burning through their gaze. I ceased to be their teacher–or even human–and became a mere obstacle to sweetness.
41 flavors. 41 reasons to kill.
I don’t remember much after that. I do know I miraculously escaped, torn and bloody, into this classroom. My accursed tomb. I think I perhaps used some kind of distraction. “Look over there! What’s Girl’s Generation and Super Junior doing here?! And they’re giving out free cellphones?!”
But the ruse is up. I hear them closing in, and every one of the demons in the school–oh god, their eyes!!!– have been alerted to my presence. With my last shred of sanity being chipped away by The Swarm’s war cries (“Teacher! Nice to meet you!”), I now realize it’s only a matter of time.
The din is now ear-piercing, and it’s only getting louder. They’re at the door. Strange–when you accept the inevitable, a warm peace enters the body. A welcome feeling in the frigid airs of a South Korean classroom.
Well done, Matt! It's funny for all of us that know the ridiculous lengths that these kids will go to for a 1/2 inch square of chocolate. The zombie-like description of the students is great, and their war cry of "Teacher! Nice to meet you," is spot on. For most of you it is just a well-written and funny short story. For us it is our every day life.
Hope you enjoyed the story!
-keith
I also enjoyed reading the blog post. Funny fact for you Keith, Matt and I worked together at the Overture Center with Dave the summer before Dave and I left for Korea. Tell Matt I say hi if you ever get a chance to see him.
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